mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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