Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
