then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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