Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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