Need sex. Gaining weight.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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