my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
