Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
