quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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