dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We're too hungover to prance.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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