Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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