Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
