Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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