You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
