you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
