the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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