I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
