How'd it feel making her break her religion?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
