I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
