So drunk its hurt
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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