I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
