dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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