Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
