Christians are straight up FREAKS
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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