We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
