All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
