I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
