Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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