some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
