Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
