The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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