i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
