Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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