if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
