ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
