Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
