Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
