Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
