just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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