Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
