He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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