moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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