Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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