Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
