Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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