I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
