were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
