I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
