Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
