Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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