Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am available for nakedness
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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