If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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